i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
