bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize