He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
