i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
