I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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