maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
