Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
