I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
