Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize