Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
