Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
