He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
