Jerry, you need to find god
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
