I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
