I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
