DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
