the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And then he peed in my hair
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