please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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