just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
