I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your penis caused this!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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