we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
