it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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