I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
