were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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