i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
