I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
