How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
