areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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