Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
