Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
