Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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