She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
