do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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