Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
