What a fucking waste of an outfit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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