Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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