the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
