So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
