in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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