thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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