Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize