pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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