1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
