WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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