there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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