I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
