can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
