you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
