the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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