I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
