i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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