I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
