You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
