he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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