wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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