is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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