Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wear drunk well.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
