Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
