I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
