im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
