I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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