i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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