I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
