There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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