his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would fuck him just for his dog
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
