I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
