i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
