Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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