I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
