btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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