It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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