Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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